Dwayne the Bathtub I'm Dwowning (Part Two - Brush With Death #3 of 2015)

          So I lived comfortably from Saturday August 22 through Wednesday August 26. Then I woke up in the morning of Thursday August 27th. I walked to the bathroom for my morning whiz. I walked back to my bedroom and felt like I had walked 500 miles. Now, I am not the most active guy, but I can usually handle that seven step walk quite easily. I sat on my bed, but could not breathe. At first, I thought it was just in my head because I had a lengthy breathing test before I left the hospital.  I could not catch my breath, so I decided I needed some help. I knew I couldn't drive to the hospital that I had just been in so I chose to go to a closer hospital. In hindsight, I should have called 911 as I remember wondering if I could even drive when I got in the car. I made the trip to the hospital and had to lean on the counter of the emergency room receptionist desk to keep standing up. I could barely get enough air out to say my name loud enough so she could hear it. I was in the Emergency Room in seconds. This entire time I thought that this was it for me. I was never going to blog again.
                            

The Emergency Room folks hooked me up to to an intravenous tube of Lasix. Apparently, Lasix is a diuretic used to treat fluid retention. I had only heard about it in Horse Racing, so I imagined it had to be good for me. My lungs had filled up with fluid  and I had congestive heart failure. I wasn't sure what was going to happen with this Lasix stuff, but I soon learned where the phrase "pee like a racehorse" came from. I had to jump out of the bed and grab my pee container right away. I got everything in position, but my little fella seemed to have shrunk while I thought I was dying. I didn't have the proper angle and my liquids flew over the top of the container and hit the seat next to the bed. I tried to reach it in order to wipe it up, but I couldn't reach because of my intravenous hookup.

   


A nice old doctor calmed me down and let me know that I wasn't going to die and I did not need any surgery.  After I peed for about three hours, I started to feel better. I assumed I would be back home by dinner time. Then some soft-talking doctor came in and said I was going to be admitted to a room and might be there a few days. Needless to say, I did not like him.  In my mind, I assumed the soft-talker was wrong and I would be home in two days maximum. Friday came and went and I still wasn't going home. I remember texting a friend because I was so sad and mad about not being able to leave and go home. It was a long and emotional evening.

AND THEN BRITTNEY CAME INTO MY LIFE...
    Brittney was my main nurse and single-handedly provided me with my will to continue living. After we talked a couple of times, I didn't care how long they had me stay there. It might seem odd, but that was one of the best weekends of my year. In fact, I told her I would like to come back for a weekend during the Holidays. I believe it was Sunday morning when I woke up and saw her in my doorway. With the bright lights shining behind her, she looked like an angel. I asked her if I was in Heaven. She told me no, I was still in Nashua. It was unbelievable. She could give me shots or draw blood and nothing hurt at all. Sunday came and I heard the news that I was going to be discharged later that day. I was so sad. I did not want to leave anymore.
(This cartoon is for my sexist, shallow male fans that enjoy
this type of thing. This in no way reflects my feelings for
Nurse Brittney)

Let's take a quick break from Brittney before this all seems obsessive and borderline creepy.

     I had a live Fantasy Football Draft on that Sunday that I was in the hospital. I called in and my friend put me on speaker phone and I was able to make my first four picks from my hospital room. That is something that I never imagined doing and should make for an interesting memory next year.
PS  My team stinks

Okay enough of that, back to Brittney!
           
   
     (In the dream world I very briefly created for Brittney and I, this would be the song that I wrote
for her. It is very healthy, and not weird at all, to have an active Dream World.)
  
     Now I don't want you to think I only enjoyed her because of her angelic looks. She is also an excellent nurse, very professional and caring. And you can't teach one person how to restore the will to live in another person and she has that ability. It was like magic. My heart continues to get stronger and there will always be a piece of it that belongs to Brittney.

My favorite memory of my second hospital stay that does not have to do with Brittney follows:

     My bartender and great friend, Adrissi, came to visit me at the hospital. She happened to be there when the sun was going down. The sun was shining right onto my hospital bed. She asked if I wanted her to adjust the window blinds because she is very caring that way. The string for the blinds were too high for her to reach. In her short-ish skirt she climbed onto a chair to reach the string. She kept adjusting the blinds and I kept saying "that's too much" or "that's not enough." Eventually, she realized I was just enjoying her standing on the chair and she turned around and wagged her finger at me and said "you are a naughty, naughty boy." This was another great test for my heart.