One Weak Beam Away...

          Monday February 16, 2015 started out just like many other Mondays.  I had started writing my blog about the Grammy Awards and got about half of it done. Later that evening, I went to 7 Star Pizza to see my friends and watch Monday Night Raw. Around midnight, 7 Star owner, Nick, was talking about grabbing a flashlight and going up to clear some snow off of his roof when he got home. I think he was just kidding. We both laughed. I had a shot of Jagermeister for last call with my friend Jack.  Then I hugged my friends and went home.
     I got home around 1:30am and ate half of the turkey sub that I brought home. Then I fell asleep. Around 3am I heard a loud bang which woke me up. I thought maybe some ice had fallen off of the roof.  Then I heard some more loud noises that made me sit up in my bed. I realized something odd was taking place so I thought I should get out of my house. Getting dressed quickly, I ran out thru the living room to the front door.  I heard many more loud noises on my way out and determined my roof was collapsing.
   I jumped into my car and got it off the driveway just in case the whole place came down. For the first time in my life I needed to call 911 which I did. The firemen arrived in a few minutes. The first fireman out of the truck looked exactly like Channing Tatum.  It was ridiculous. I thought I was getting Punk'd. Thankfully the rest of the guys in the truck were average looking and I felt better about myself. We waited in our vehicles for the town Building Inspector to show up.  The wait lasted about 45 minutes. This night featured a temperature of -10 degrees with a wind chill that brought it down to -40 degrees.  Not the best night to determine that you need to relieve yourself or risk your bladder exploding. I received permission from the firemen to unfurl my hose and relieve myself in the howling wind. They turned the fire engine lights off so I wouldn't get stage fright while trying to complete this endeavor.  These were good men.
     The Building Inspector eventually got to the house and took a look around. he determined my home was uninhabitable due to the roof issues.  He slapped some big UNSAFE signs on my place and that was that.  I called my great friend Peter Smith, and he took me in from the cold and let me stay at his place and warm up. This wasn't the first time he has helped me at a time of need. My brother took me into his home for the next week while I worked on getting my home repairs in order and deal with the stress brought on from my brush with death.
     The day after the horrifying incident, plumber extraordinaire, Dave Pollock, met me at my house and winterized it for me in order to save all of my pipes from bursting. He worked like a dog that morning. I wanted to help the poor guy, but I wasn't wearing gloves and I was wearing sneakers, not boots. Next, I called Construction Guru, Dave Courtemanche, for advice on where to find a good contractor to help bring my home back to life. Needless to say, he found me a good guy to help me.
     I met with the contractor the next day and he explained to me that my home originally had a flat roof and that the peaked roof that collapsed was an addition to the original roof. He was amazed that the original roof stayed strong and was not damaged in any way. He told me that original roof saved my life. His exact quote was "you were one weak beam away from being squashed like a bug.